He's Just NOT That Into You

Marisha, you're wonderful. Thanks for knowing that I would love reading this book.

I adored the movie, but the book is so much more enlightening. And surprisingly, it's not boring at all! I normally can't read nonfiction or self help books or whatever you want to call it, but I'm already almost finished with this one! I especially love the chapter on "He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you." So true. And absolutely obvious, right? WRONG! The "But He Misses Me" Excuse: I absolutely needed to read that. Thanks, Greg (& Marisha).

It's so silly of me to let anything in my past hold me back from complete happiness now. Maybe this sounds conceited, but I don't care, it's the truth: I am (as Marisha puts it) a boy-magnet in Spokane! There are at least five guys that are currently interested in me and have expressed it to me. However, I keep finding ridiculous and illegitimate things wrong with them. Like So-and-so has sweaty hands, or That-one-guy can't spell anything right, or Mr. Not-so-right is too into his cat. Who really cares!? They are all nice guys who would treat me great, but for some reason, I'm just not into them. The only explanation I have is that I'm not completely over The-heart-breaker. So I'm going to make sure I get over him, and quick, so I can fully move on.

Spokompton!

Update: I've been in Spokane for about 2 months now and it's wonderful. My roommates are awesome and we all get along. I love hanging out with them. Plus, it's not the Dry-Shitties!

The best thing that has come out of moving to the Spokane/Post Falls/Coeur d' Alene area is getting to spend so much time with Max. Let's just say I'm so glad I didn't move a thousand miles away from him. I don't see him quite as much now that I moved out of Nathan and Ala's, but he is the most precious part of my life. I love him more than any human being who ever lived. I can't wait to be the aunt of another one of my brother's little rugrats. (Ala is about 4 months pregnant right now :D )

I don't know how long I'll stick around here, but I won't go too far for too long. I want to watch Max grow up and turn into a little stud.

Wuthering Heights: the book!

Did I really say I loved Heathcliff?!? Obviously, the movie I watched portrayed the characters a lot differently than Wuthering Heights the book. There is absolutely nothing lovely about Heathcliff, Catherine, or even Edgar in the actual book. I hate Catherine the most. I am enjoying reading Wuthering Heights, though. Even though the characters are awful and I know it has no happy ending, it's entertaining to read about how thoroughly they destroy their own lives. They have no decency and ultimately they deserve all their suffering, but it's still sad. And I like sad. I know that sounds morbid, but whatever. It's a great piece of literature. You should read it! :D

Wuthering Heights

I watched Wuthering Heights on Netflix last night, thinking it was probably going to be cheesy and possibly hard to follow, but I LOVED it! I am in love with Heathcliff. Now I'm going to go to the library and check out the book!

Three Jobs!

I was a little worried about finding work when I moved here. I thought it would be a bad time to go job hunting. My second day in Post Falls, I got not one, but TWO jobs! They weren't necessarily hiring, but they liked me :). One of the jobs is at a bead store called "Bead It" and I'm starting on Friday. The other one is next door (they share employees) and it's a tanning salon called "Relax and Tan." I'll be starting there on March 7th and working every other Sunday for a little while until the beach opens up and the main employee leaves to lifeguard full time at the lake. And get this: Gayle (owner of Bead It) told me that since they're pretty slow most of the time, I can bring anything I want to entertain me such as books, a portable DVD player, a laptop, or whatever else I can think of. She also said it is ok for me to talk on my cell phone as long as there are no customers in the store! And at the tanning salon, I get FREE tanning! I am so excited to get these jobs! But I really need something RIGHT NOW. I'm broke and they won't need me that much until summer. So I was still looking for something else. I was on a walk at the park by the resort with Michelle Sunday and we decided to check out the shops and I discovered there is a Del Sol store in Coeur d' Alene! I was bummed because it was closed. The next day I went there again with Ala and Max and we played at the park for a while and then I walked by again to see if they were open and I met the owner. He asked the infamous question, "Have you ever been to a Del Sol store?" I was like, "Yeah, I used to work at one actually. Are you guys hiring?" He told me I came at just the right time because he was going to be losing most of his employees from the previous year. He said he was really excited that I came by and he believes everything happens for a reason. So I'm going back today to bring in my application and do a mock sale, which I'm a little nervous about. I'm not a very good pretender. The only issue, once again, is that he doesn't need me until late March and then he will need me a lot in the summer. So I'm basically going to have THREE part time jobs this summer!!! I won't have a life. But on the plus side, I will make a lot of money for China.

Over it? I guess not.

Stupid Austin sent me messages again yesterday: pictures of his apartment and a new shelf he built. Why can't he just leave me alone! Ugh! And then this morning I was trying to delete him from my facebook and myspace and I read a couple of his status updates and comments. He was telling Kathy Del Pozo about his new girlfriend that he is "stoked about" and one of his status updates said "running with my girlfriend." It took forever to figure out how to just delete him. I should have done that a long time ago. I realized yesterday that I was leaving connections to him and it was time to just erase it all. I'm going to see what I can do about blocking his number too. It just really hurts. Why does he have to rub it in my face? For the past couple weeks, I was feeling really good about everything...like I was over it. Now here I am feeling awful and insignificant and heartbroken all over again. The worst thing is just that it was so easy for him to forget all about me and be crazy about someone else. I hate this feeling and I hate him for giving it to me. I wish I was better at expressing how I feel, because I'm sure what I've written doesn't even come close to describing it. I feel like dying.

China update

Wow, it's crazy what can happen in 24 hours! Last night, Marisha told me about ILP and now I'm most likely going to be leaving for China in the next three weeks! It has been a weird and wonderful day. I researched the program and decided it was something that I would LOVE. So I talked to a representative and got interviewed and filled out my application and got my references. Every hurdle that came along, I leaped over it. Passport? I'll get it expedited. Tuition? I'll raise the money. If I can't raise it all, I'll get a loan. It's just amazing how perfect this is for me right now. I want an adventure and that's what I'm getting. I want to travel/leave home and I'm going to the other side of the planet! My family is being really supportive (well, my mom and sister are really the only ones who know right now). It's just super exciting. This is what I need! And I'm going to make it happen, gosh darn it! :) I love you, Marisha, for knowing me so well and for thinking of me when you heard about ILP. And maybe we can both go together for another semester! That would make me so happy!

So, my "to do" list for tomorrow:

• write a fundraising letter
• get my passport photos taken
• apply for an expedited passport
• contact my family members and tell them what I'm doing
• talk to someone at church who can help me find a way to raise money
• finish the art pieces for the Tamburellos so I can offer that service if needed

This is going to be wonderful! I can't wait.

Wishy-washy Cassandra

So...yet another opportunity has presented itself to me, thanks to Marisha (love ya!). I'm now considering postponing the phlebotomy course for another 5 to 6 months. Yeah, I know: this is, like, the millionth time I've changed my mind since September, but I think that to not at least consider this unique and really really intriguing opportunity would be a disservice to myself. Since I'm about 80% sure (on most days) that I want to pursue a career in teaching, this opportunity makes a lot more sense than learning to draw blood. The catch is that phlebotomy will make me a lot of money (that's why I was planning on pursuing it) whereas this other option will cost me about $3,500 between tuition, passport, and personal leisure/travel. So, are you ready to hear what it is!? GREAT! Because I'm dying to tell you! It's the International Language Programs. They recruited Marisha yesterday and told her about it. She says they need someone to go to China in the next 3 weeks or they will have to close their school! She can't go because she is in the middle of school, but she gave them my number. What an amazing friend! :) Of course I would love to do it. For one, I LOVE kids and teaching. For two, it makes sense for my future. For three, I am dying for some kind of an adventure. I want to travel the world and this is the perfect way to do it! Basically, what I learned from the hour on the phone talking to Marisha about it and the two+ hours I spend researching the program on the website is that it sends college-aged adults to various locations in Russia, Ukraine, China, and Mexico to teach English to children from Kindergarten to High-School-age. The teaching method used is basically just playing with the kids and speaking only English. If I were to go, I would go to China because that's where the need is and also because I think it sounds like the most interesting place. The teachers in China live in dorms/apartments together and each of the cities where the schools are located are close to either Shanghai, Hong Kong, or Beijing. How cool is that!? I would love to visit one of those famous cities! And I would have an opportunity to visit the Great Wall. Another really intriguing aspect of the program is the education I will receive. There are culture classes available twice a month and language classes twice a week. There are TONS of unique things to experience there such as taking judo classes, joining a ballroom dance team, going to operas, going to museums, and just exploring a different country. I really REALLY hope it all works out. I was worried at first about being able to get a passport in such a short amount of time, but I researched it and it will cost about $80 more to get it expedited, but I can get one in as little as seven days if I pay $175. I don't know how I would come up with the rest of the money (2,500 for tuition and $1,000 for travel and leisure), but I'll see what I can do about using my education award for it, fundraising, or making payments later. I'm completely broke at the moment, but I'm not going to let that get in my way. I will do whatever I need to do to make this happen!

Idaho, here I come!

Yep, that's right: I am 90% sure that I am going to move to Idaho in the next few weeks. It will probably be only temporary, but we'll see how it goes. I'm going to enroll in either a phlebotomy or health unit coordinator course through the workforce training program at North Idaho College. Both programs end in May, so I will have the option to go to Skagway again for the summer (if I can mannage to find a job on such short notice) and be ready to start college in the fall!

So I'm feeling pretty hopeful for my future, which is nice since barely a week ago my total bliss was abruptly shattered by the love of my life.

Hi, my name is Cassandra and I am a shopaholic.

Since returning from Alaska to the lower 48, I've developed some really bad shopping habits. My first shopping spree was a week or so after coming home and I spent less than $100 and everything I bought was on sale. I thought hey, this is not too bad. It's only $100. But now, after $2,000 + has seemingly vanished from my bank account, I'm realizing that $50 here and $80 there really adds up. I went shopping today and spent about $60 in one store. I don't even worry about adding up all the prices before I check out anymore. Kind of ridiculous, I admit. But I think the reason why I've become addicted to shopping is that I have been saving my money for so long and now I finally have enough that I can spend some and not be broke. Except for the fact that I don't have a source of income at the moment. That is troubling. And now I am nearly broke. And there's also the fact that I don't know where I'm going to be living in week. Wow, I am incredibly, recklessly, irresponsible.

Shabby Chic/Cottage

Yesterday, while Austin was at work, I got caught up on hgtv.com looking at interior home make-overs and video clips from shows like color splash and divine design. I also took a quiz to see what my "design style" is. Apparently it's "shabby chic"/"cottage"...who knew? I seriously never would have guessed that. I always thought my style was contemporary or something, but I looked at pictures of what "cottage" actually is and I have to say, I love it! It's described as cozy and comfortable. Here are some examples:

I always thought of shabby chic being old and rustic, but it can be clean and sharp too. I like mixing the comfortable and old style with new elements like stainless steel appliances and cool wall colors. Everything looks crisp and clean, but it has character too.

Day 1 in San Diego: Alone in Downtown

So Austin had a doctors appointment today (my first day in CA) and I was gonna go with him so he could show me around the city when he got done. We were about to go out the door when I realized I still needed deodorant so I went to the bathroom real quick. Austin kept bugging me saying, "Come on...come on...come on." every ten seconds. So less than a minute later, we walked out the door and I accused him of being impatient.
"I just don't like being late," he said.
"Well one minute is not going to make a difference when you set out to be 15 minutes early every day."
"One minute late is still late, Cassandra."
I rolled my eyes and we set off. We were almost to the naval base which is approximately 20 mins from Austin's apartment when he asked me,
"You have your ID with you, right?"
I didn't. All I brought was my phone. I didn't think I would need my purse for anything. So there we were, I couldn't be allowed on base because I didn't have any identification and we didn't have time to run back home to get it. The only option was for Austin to drop me off somewhere on the street and leave me to fend for myself for the next few hours in a strange and very large city. I told him I would be fine. We were driving around for a few minutes; Austin was looking for a good place to leave me. Finally I told him just to pull over anywhere so he could go and not be late. When I got out of the car I had no idea where I was going and I had no money. So I just kept walking straight, hoping for a cafe or something and then I saw the familiar starbucks sign! That's where I am now. Sitting alone in starbucks writing a blog from my phone, waiting for a call from Austin saying that he's ready to pick me up. Suddenly I get a text from him:
"I was one minute late! I told you it makes a difference!"
Austin has never been late in his whole navy career! I actually made him late for the first time. This stinks :/

It's been a while

I know, I know. I haven't written a new post in....FOREVER! But, Marisha, I'm pretty sure you're the only person who reads this anyway, so...yeah.

So I'm going to start updating more often :)

Choices, choices, choices

I don't know what to do next fall!

Part of me wants to move away from the Tri-cities to somewhere I've never been (or at lease somewhere I've never lived), but I also want to work at Stevens again next year as a Gear-Up tutor.

Here are my options:

-Stay in Kennewick

1. Live with my mom
2. Go to CBC and work at Stevens
3. Work somewhere else but still go to CBC
4. Work for AmeriCorps again (not favorable, but I could get another scholarship)
5. Get a studio apartment
6. Continue being a leader at South Hills Church

-Move to Coos Bay, Oregon

1. Go to Southwestern Oregon Community College
2. Be independent in my own apartment
3. Find a job somewhere (maybe they have a program like Gear-Up)
4. Find a church where I can be either a High School or Middle School leader

-Move to Bend, Oregon

1. Go to Central Oregon Community College
2. Maybe be roommates with my cousin, Loni
3. Same as 2, 3, and 4 for Coos Bay

I really have no idea which to choose. I'm kind of leaning more towards Coos Bay because, as far as I can see, it has everything I want right now. But I would also love to be roommates with Loni! And I don't really want to leave my church and my friends. And also, it would be more affordable to just live at home because I don't have to pay much for rent at my mom's and I don't have to buy my own food or pay for utilities or anything. But it's also pretty crowded, and it's about to get even more crowded. *sigh* I don't know.

Fed Up

I'm feeling pretty frustrated right about now. I'm frustrated with myself and I'm frustrated with my job. When I filled out my time sheet for January, I noticed that even though I worked my butt off, I only gained 5 hours. That's so discouraging. So, being depressed about that and worn out from working so hard, I decided to sleep in today. Except I did more than just sleep in. I stayed home the whole day! There goes the 5 hours I worked so hard for and then some!

UGH! I just don't understand how that is possible! I will never get all my hours at this rate! I'm actually seriously considering quitting. The only reason why I don't want to is because I will miss the kids SO MUCH.

But seriously! I feel like crap. I feel like no matter how hard I work, it's not hard enough. And they just keep piling on more and more expectations of us. Now I have to plan the award ceremony for a poster contest. That means finding a place to hold the ceremony, writing the script for the MC, getting food donated, recruiting volunteers to judge the posters, getting people from the community (such as the mayor) to present the awards to the winners, designing the invitations for the event...and the list goes on and on. I have to do all that on top of the fifty million events I volunteered for to get more hours.

I'm honestly feeling like just giving up...

Toilet Talk

At Stevens Middle School (the place where I work) the bathroom stalls in the staff lounge have little posters called "toilet talk." Theres announcements for what's going on for the month and sometimes random quotes or jokes. I enjoy them immensely.

Last month's (January) had funny notes that parents actually wrote to excuse their kids when they were absent. Here are the ones I remember:

1. "Please excuse _______. She was in bed with gramps." (I assume he/she meant "cramps")

2. "Please excuse _______. He/She was sick and I had her shot."

3. "Please excuse _______. He/She had perfect attendance the last nine weeks. That's really good, so I let her stay home for a reward."

So that amused me. Another awesome thing the staff bathrooms have is candy! Ms. Manley, the sixth grade teacher whose math class I tutor in for an hour a day, told the students about the candy in the bathroom, so now they always ask me to get some for them.

The other day, a kid came up to me and said, "Miss, can you go to the bathroom?" It took me a minute to realize that he wasn't asking me if I was capable of using a toilet, he really just wanted me to go in and get him some candy. Middle schoolers have no shame when it comes to getting candy.

I am a brilliant artist.

Ok, I'm about to brag about my talents. But I'm completely justified in my bragging because I am pretty darn skilled! I've fallen in love with art all over again. Drawing is cool, but who knew I could be so passionate about cake decorating???

Well, it all started when I volunteered to bake a cake for my boss's birthday celebration that is taking place tomorrow. I started thinking about what type of cake it would be and how I would decorate it and I got carried away, as I often do when it comes to being creative. I drew several extremely difficult cake designs, but I decided to start small and went with one of the more simple ones. But I realized that decorating cakes is actually really amazing. You can be so creative!!! And I love the challenge of trying to think out of the box to make the most random, impossible things out of cake and frosting.

Anyway, I baked the cake and, amazingly, I didn't burn it. (I have burned many cookies in my baking days.) So then I decorated it. And I enjoyed the ENTIRE process. I didn't get bored at all. I was really patient and it turned out gorgeous. Agree? :D

I heart Sixth Graders

It's really unfortunate that I only have one sixth grade class that I tutor in, because I love sixth graders so much! They are so cute, and they actually appreciate things.

The other day, I came into the class 15 minutes late because I had to mail a pair of travelling pants to my very best friend during my lunch break and the line at the post office was insane! When I walked in, every single face brightened up and they all said, "Miss Cassandra!" like they hadn't seen me in years. And then 1:30 rolled around (the time when math is over for the sixth graders and I have to go back to the seventh graders) and they were all like, "Miss Cassandra, do you have to go???" and one kid said, "Let's staple her to the wall!" Haha. So adorable. Yes, a class of sixth grade students is currently my greatest source of joy. They complete me. ;)

Intolerance in the church

So the past 24 hours I have noticed a huge problem in the church. It's something that never really occured to me before, but two specific instances brought it to my attention and I was really shocked.

The issue is intolerance and hate toward homosexuals.

The first example: Last night I was hanging out with some girl friends from church and a couple guys from church that I don't really know that well. I don't know them, but I know their family members and such. One guy, who has two brothers who are amazing examples of Christ, was talking about someone's wedding. I wasn't paying much attention until he said, "One of the invitations was sent out to Mr. and Mr. Something. I can't believe they invited fags to their wedding! What if they make out or something?! That's gross!" I was like, "WHAT?!" I don't remember everything that we said, but every person in the room agreed with him. One of my friends was like, "You like gay people?" I didn't even know what to say.

I'm not totally sure what my stance is on the whole "gay by choice" vs. "gay by nature" controversy. I do believe that homosexual acts are sins, but that's not the point. The point is that the attitudes of every person in that room were hateful and judgemental and they were not reflecting Christ. It's one thing to disagree with a person's lifestyle, but to hate or condemn him/her for it is something else. Christ calls us to love people, all people.

The next example: At church this morning I walked up to a friend in the middle of a conversation. She was telling a story to a few people around about her brother. Both she and her brother are on the high school leadership team at church.Apparently he was at school and saw two guys making out. She said that gay people make him irrationally mad. She said that he saw them and yelled, "FAGS!" and wanted to fight them, but she got him to walk away. She didn't seem to see any problem in her brother's actions and neither did anyone else who was listening.

When she finished with her story, my eyes were wide. I said, "Wow...I'm just realizing that is a huge problem right now." She was like, "What? Gay people? I know!" I shook my head, "No. Attitudes toward gays. People in the church hate gays. That's not ok. Their attitudes are actually hateful." Then she said, "Yeah, I know. That's why I pulled him away. But he just gets really mad when he sees that."

And then the conversation was over. That made it ok. Being gay is wrong. Homosexuals are sinners. Never mind that homosexuals are people whom God created and loves. Never mind that being a church leader means setting an example of Christ. Never mind that Jesus calls us to love even our enemies. We don't have to agree with everyone. We don't even have to like them, but we do have to love them.

Maybe this seems far-fetched to you, but I would compare that sort of attitude to racism. Calling a homosexual "Fag" is like calling a black person the "N-word" or a non-virgin "Whore." It's completely wrong and there is no way to justify it. The way my brothers- and sisters-in-Christ talk about gays reminds me of videos I watched in school about civil rights movements in The South. It reminds me of the way racist people hated African-Americans and, in my opinion, it is just as wrong.

That's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading.

-Cassandra Helena

AmeriCorps and Del Sol

I work at Isaac Stevens Middle School in Pasco. I am a math tutor. I work for AmeriCorps. I really love my job. It's a tough age group and most of my students are considered at poverty level and, for most of them, English is only their second language, but I absolutely love the kids. Also, a lot of them are migrant, so it's really hard for them to stay caught up in school when they go away for several months and don't speak any English for the whole time they're gone. Middle schoolers are bratts, and most of them don't appreciate anything you do for them, but that's ok, because the feeling I get when I help one of them to grasp a concept that he/she has been struggling with is priceless.

Right now my job is basically my life. I spend all of my time working because I really want to go to Alaska this summer. In fact, that is already the plan and it's in place. But I have to have enough service hours by the middle of June so that I can fulfill my contract with AmeriCorps of 1700 hours and receive my Education award of $4,500. So if I work enough extra hours (I am currently 46 hours behind in this goal) the plan is that I will fly from Seattle to Juneau on June 16th and spend the summer working at a Del Sol store in Skagway, Alaska with my best friend, Marisha. Working at Del Sol, I will have my housing paid for and will be sharing a one bedroom apartment with said best friend. I am extremely excited about this plan.

So that is what's going on right now.